no more justifying it

I used to justify the way my father treated me by saying that it happens a lot to everyone. that its normal. i really did believe this. that the way he treated me was ok because others had it so much worse. like all of the foster kids that came into our home, their parents were so bad that they had to be taken away. i explained it all away using these excuses. and the excuse that i deserved it. that if only i was a better daughter, that if i didn't make mistakes then he wouldn't have an excuse to yell, to hit me, or to break my stuff. but its not my fault.
he does those things because of who HE is, not because of who I am. the fact that i was never excited to see him when he came home from work when i was little wasn't becasue i am a bad daughter and didn't love my father, it was becasue he would be ornery and always yell. thats his deal, not mine.
he has stopped hitting me, but sometimes i wonder if its cause he really has changed or if its cause i could do more damage to him then he could do to me? i'm stronger now, and i'm not as afraid. if he tried to hit me then i would hit back. i'm not that meek anymore. i will stand up for myself.
it just sucks that he is like that. i don't need to have those memories of him hitting me. of him kicking my butt down the stairs so hard that i hit my head on the door and i had bruises. that i would hide in various spots in the house so that i wouldn't have to see him when i got home.

oh well. its lame. i'll get over it.