ranting

people tell me that i have TOO much patience. especially my best friend. she wants me to yell at a couple of ppl. . . namely brian, kason, and my family. i keep letting them hurt me, and i keep putting up with their crap and i always give people the benefit of the doubt. . . . and Mckel thinks that is a bad thing. i'm kind of sick of her telling me all of these things that are wrong with me. whenever i just want to chill and relax then she shoves this piece of paper that she has written on that says "The number one rule is. . . DON'T BE BORING!" it gets pretty old sometimes. she has a double standard for her and everyone else. its ok for her to do things, but it isn't ok for other people to do them. . . for example: at the beginning of the year i used my alarm clock for about three days before she was so mad at me for having it that i decided it was just easier to put it away. i can compromise, if it bugs her then i won't use it anymore. no biggie. but then later she wants to borrow it. i'm thinking its only for a day or so. no, no. she's been using it the whole semester. it is way loud and annoying, and she lets it go and go and go and GO. the whole apt is annoyed with her. . . but she doesn't care, she doesn't have the willpower to get up in the mornings so she doesn't care that it wakes everyone else up on their sleep in days. her first class is at ten. . . how is it so hard to wake up at ten? my earliest class is eight, except for my sleep in days which is at nine. the alarm is set to go off at earlier than eight though. so the stupid thing goes for over two hours. rude much? she likes it to be freezing in our room, i like it to be warm. i tried and compromised with her, but now that there is snow on the ground, i'm sick, i can't sleep with it being so cold, and finals are coming up, i need sleep. we've gone over the whole window thing a couple of times, but this time i just told her that i couldn't deal with it, it needed to be closed. our roomie that lives in the room next to us is way cold too. mckel says i have to much patience with rude ppl, but she doesn't realize that she is one of those people. she is so mad at me, she won't talk, which is pretty lame to me. oh well. ugh. all she ever tells me is criticism, and thats all i ever hear from anyone. i used to think i was a nice person, but now i'm not so sure. brian and mckel keep telling me how some of the things i say aren't so nice. since when is honesty not nice? i try and say things in a nice way, and i really think about others feelings, but i guess its not as much as i should. oh geez. i'm so stressed about everything, and all my friends are being babies. ok, so not all of them, just my close friends. sometimes i feel like i have to take care of everyone, especially mckel. its not very fair. . . but i know what i'm going to do. i'm going to keep on being there for them, listening, helping, comforting, boosting, whatever. cause thats what i do. i don't care waht they say, i am a nice person. everyone has their moments, but i am a nice person. ppl are just so contradictory. mckel says i'm too nice and too patient, and i let ppl get away with things, but then again she turns around and says that sometimes the way i say things isn't that great. what am i supposed to do? stop being myself? i don't even know who i am anymore. everyone has puled me so far out of wack that i don't know what to do, where to go, or who i am. i'm so glad there is a break coming up. i need to do some serious self reflecting. ugh. finals. yuck.