who am i?

who am i?
i feel like i don't know who i am anymore. i've lost myself somewhere . . .
i used to think that i was a nice person, and that people generally liked me. i try so hard to think of others and to give ppl the benefit of the doubt. i try and think of others before myself. i don't think i'm selfish, i'm used to sharing, and when someone is in need i try really hard to be there for them. or atleast thats how i always thought of myself. but lately idk.

the whole thing with brian, him telling mckel how i make him feel has me wondering if thats how i make him feel than i can't be a nice person. alicia is way mad at me. i need to talk to her but i am scared its just gonna make things worse. i thougth that her and i were friends. geuss not. . . .
a nice person doesn't make ppl feel bad. so obviously i'm not nice.

i swear a lot lately. . .i'd like to say that its just becasue i've been super stressed, but is that really the only reason? i can have a lot better vocabulary than i do. i used to really not like the f word, but i've been dropping that bomb a lot lately. once i started it was pretty easy to just keep it going. i don't like the fact that i swear. i need to stop.

how do i feel about the gospel? i know it is true, and i believe in god and everything. but i don't pray. i don't read my scriptures. i don't really enjoy going to church. i know that i have distanced myself from heavenly father. i need to fix that relationship. its so hard though. i feel so guilty for things that i've done.

i know that i'm a horrible person. i'll have to deal with that and make up for things that i've done.

i don't know where i belong anymore. i feel like the only friend i have is mckel. thats all my fault. i could have gone out and made friends at the beginning of the year. the fact that i don't have friends is all my bad-and if it really bothers me then i'll have to do soemthing about it. i can't rely on mckel to be my only friend. thats too much strain and besides; like everything in this world we are gonna get mad at eachother or just need some time away from eachother. in the apt i feel like because i'm not nice 24/7 then they think that i'm a huge jerk. i haven't done anything really rude, i just haven't really been there for them or been really happy. i've been keeping to myself. which is what i do when i'm hurt, overloaded, and stressed. i retreat inside of myself. i probably shoudln't but thats my coping method i geuss you could say.

i don't know where i fit in with my family anymore either. i know i'll always have a place there, they are myfamily, but. . . . i know that this doesn't really mean anything, or atleast it shouldn't, but it does mean somehting to me. i don't have a physical place at home anymore. my mom promised me that i would always have a place to stay at home, and that promise was broken before i even moved away to college. but i've changed since i've moved to college. i think i've changed some ways for the better, but mostly i think that i've changed for the worse. idk

who am i?

Twinkle Twinkle

so i have this saying in my room that my dad made for me and my little brothers at work. its a little corex sign with a background of a star or something, and on it it says "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Do You Know How Loved You Are?"

i was thinking about it. . . mostly cause i can't stop thinking about all sorts of things. my brain won't turn off, but it won't turn on to the station that i need it to. . which would be school. so i keep running in circles about all the crap going on. ugh. but anways. back to the point of this blog.

i don't think anyone really ever knows how loved they are. its so much easier to believe the good than the bad. it really is. when ppl tell me i'm pretty i can brush it off easily. mostly cause i've heard how not pretty i am my whole life. we are our own worse critics. unless you are a narcissist or something like that. anywho. . .

i know i'm loved. i know i have ppl who care about me and who are there for me, but . . . just because i know that, that doesn't necessarily mean that i believe that.

do you know how loved you are?


cause i don't.

no more justifying it

I used to justify the way my father treated me by saying that it happens a lot to everyone. that its normal. i really did believe this. that the way he treated me was ok because others had it so much worse. like all of the foster kids that came into our home, their parents were so bad that they had to be taken away. i explained it all away using these excuses. and the excuse that i deserved it. that if only i was a better daughter, that if i didn't make mistakes then he wouldn't have an excuse to yell, to hit me, or to break my stuff. but its not my fault.
he does those things because of who HE is, not because of who I am. the fact that i was never excited to see him when he came home from work when i was little wasn't becasue i am a bad daughter and didn't love my father, it was becasue he would be ornery and always yell. thats his deal, not mine.
he has stopped hitting me, but sometimes i wonder if its cause he really has changed or if its cause i could do more damage to him then he could do to me? i'm stronger now, and i'm not as afraid. if he tried to hit me then i would hit back. i'm not that meek anymore. i will stand up for myself.
it just sucks that he is like that. i don't need to have those memories of him hitting me. of him kicking my butt down the stairs so hard that i hit my head on the door and i had bruises. that i would hide in various spots in the house so that i wouldn't have to see him when i got home.

oh well. its lame. i'll get over it.

driving on the freeway

driving on the freeway. . .
come on ppl. . go faster or GET OUT OF MY WAY!
to all of the courteous drivers who got into the right lane when i came behind them, THANK YOU. i'm sure you're going to heaven :)
to all of the MO FO'S who freaking stayed- i hope you get rear ended some day. (jk)
when someone passes you in the slow lane, that is a clear indication that you need to get out of the fast lane, and get into the slow lane. its not hard. look, check, blinker, drive. simple. so do it. k thnx bye
so seriously. move out of my way.
FOR THE LOVE OF SPEED!
hahaha ok, my little rant is done. :)
poor little mckels car, Betsy, it's stranded on the side of the freeway all by her lonesome. atleast i was able to rescue McKel-iO! we have grand adventures together. :) don't know what i'd do with out that girl!
last night was way fun, i was very very upset. . well it was a battle not to freaking cry my eyes out, but i HATE crying so i managed. . most of the time. we went and got movies, candy, and i got a Mr. Pibb. which is basically the same as Dr. Pepper so i'm ok with that haha.
if mckel hadn't have been there to hold me then i would have probably done soemthing destructive, something i would have regretted. . . . so thank you mckel for being there for me last night. thanks for standing up for me. thanks for caring about me and wanting to make sure that i'm being taken care of. you rock. really. i love you.

i don't even know anymore

I bless you that your big, soft pure Heart will always be able to feel the intents of other's Hearts.

whenever i'm really depressed then i like to read my patriarchal blessing to help sort things out in my head. a lot of things stood out to me today, but this line was even more impressive than others. i've noticed it before, but it has never really stood out to me. i know why it stood out, it's because i'm really stressed about the whole Brian situation. i don't know what i should do.
i really really care about him. . . he's the first guy i've ever said i love you to. yeah i tell my guy friends that i love them, but that is in a friendship way, never this way. there are so many different types of love. anyways, back to the point. i'm scared. . . i don't want to keep getting hurt. my blessing says that i will know the intents of others hearts. right now i really need to know the intent of Brians heart. does he love me like he says he does? does he want me back? does he want me? or is he telling me this just to keep me on the line so that he feels cool to have a college girl liking him. is it just an ego trip for him? why is he doing the things that he is doing? he says that he loves me, but he doesn't want me. that doesn't make any sense to me-at all.
i love him, and i want him. or atleast i did. now i'm not so sure. he has hurt me so badly. . . i don't know if he could ever make it up to me or if i could ever trust him again. i tried so hard to make our relationship work, i was always there for him, i listened, i tried my hardest to be the best for him. he tried really hard for me, and he is very sweet, fun, and he does try. but he is self-centered. when we talk its almost always about him. he isn't good at all about asking me about my life or anything that has to do with me. once in a while he will ask me about my day, but he won't ask for specifics. i just kind of feel like he doesn't really care about whats going on in my life unless it involves or effects him.
he isn't on my intellectual level. that doesn't matter to me. yes i want someone i can talk to about things and have an intelligent conversation, but with brian having any type of conversation is difficult. he isn't very good at the whole talking thing unless it is about cars.
he is always saying how he isn't good enough for me and things like that and i always reassure him how amazing he is and that i want to be with him. everyone is insecure, and i try and help him with his so that he feels confident and secure, but he never does the same for me. yeah he tells me that i'm beautiful sometimes, but i know that isn't true. . . besides, i'd rather he say something about my personality than my looks.
i try and be there for him, and i think for the most part i have been. he has been there for me too, just not really as much as i need. when i was having abandonment issues over thanksgiving break then i texted him and he was there for me. he let me vent to him, and then he just held me. yeah we ended up making out, but i needed that connection right then too. and i think him holding me was the only way he really knows how to help.
we fight a lot. over dumb stuff too. he gets mad when i'm with another guy or mention another guy, so i try really hard not to mention my guy friends. he mentions bailey a lot. and they have a history together. . . they were going out during the summer, well-more like make out buddies than anything, and he fingered her. he tells me that she liked it and she keeps wanting him to do it again. the guys that i hang out with i don't have a history with. i'm just friends with them and that is all that they want. i can understand him being jealous, but i can't help but feel that he brings up bailey on purpose out of spite. but idk.

in my heart of hearts i don't really believe that he loves me. . . how can he? in a previous blog i told about how awful he says i am. oh, but get this; last night we were iming and he said "god damnit amber it is so hard to be your boyfriend. you are so amazingly perfect." if i'm so perfect then why do i make him feel the way he does? if i'm so great then why doesn't he want me? it makes no sense.

the other night i told him that i chose him and that i only wanted him. he asked why, and after he prodded me some i finally caved and i told him what i felt about him. it was so hard to open up to him. well, its hard for me to open up to anyone. he didn't say anything afterwards so i sent another text that said it doesn't matter though cause he doesn't want me. all he did was agree with me and say that he was an ass. that hurt. way way bad.

i'm trying to figure out his intentions and what he really wants. but i don't think that it is going to be very easy cause i don't think he knows what he wants.

after everything, i don't know if i know what i want. i'm so hurt right now i don't know if i love him anymore. when i think about it all i can think and feel is the pain.





maybe if i was a better person, thinner, prettier, nicer, just-better then he would want me. maybe if i was all of those things then someone would want me.

ranting

people tell me that i have TOO much patience. especially my best friend. she wants me to yell at a couple of ppl. . . namely brian, kason, and my family. i keep letting them hurt me, and i keep putting up with their crap and i always give people the benefit of the doubt. . . . and Mckel thinks that is a bad thing. i'm kind of sick of her telling me all of these things that are wrong with me. whenever i just want to chill and relax then she shoves this piece of paper that she has written on that says "The number one rule is. . . DON'T BE BORING!" it gets pretty old sometimes. she has a double standard for her and everyone else. its ok for her to do things, but it isn't ok for other people to do them. . . for example: at the beginning of the year i used my alarm clock for about three days before she was so mad at me for having it that i decided it was just easier to put it away. i can compromise, if it bugs her then i won't use it anymore. no biggie. but then later she wants to borrow it. i'm thinking its only for a day or so. no, no. she's been using it the whole semester. it is way loud and annoying, and she lets it go and go and go and GO. the whole apt is annoyed with her. . . but she doesn't care, she doesn't have the willpower to get up in the mornings so she doesn't care that it wakes everyone else up on their sleep in days. her first class is at ten. . . how is it so hard to wake up at ten? my earliest class is eight, except for my sleep in days which is at nine. the alarm is set to go off at earlier than eight though. so the stupid thing goes for over two hours. rude much? she likes it to be freezing in our room, i like it to be warm. i tried and compromised with her, but now that there is snow on the ground, i'm sick, i can't sleep with it being so cold, and finals are coming up, i need sleep. we've gone over the whole window thing a couple of times, but this time i just told her that i couldn't deal with it, it needed to be closed. our roomie that lives in the room next to us is way cold too. mckel says i have to much patience with rude ppl, but she doesn't realize that she is one of those people. she is so mad at me, she won't talk, which is pretty lame to me. oh well. ugh. all she ever tells me is criticism, and thats all i ever hear from anyone. i used to think i was a nice person, but now i'm not so sure. brian and mckel keep telling me how some of the things i say aren't so nice. since when is honesty not nice? i try and say things in a nice way, and i really think about others feelings, but i guess its not as much as i should. oh geez. i'm so stressed about everything, and all my friends are being babies. ok, so not all of them, just my close friends. sometimes i feel like i have to take care of everyone, especially mckel. its not very fair. . . but i know what i'm going to do. i'm going to keep on being there for them, listening, helping, comforting, boosting, whatever. cause thats what i do. i don't care waht they say, i am a nice person. everyone has their moments, but i am a nice person. ppl are just so contradictory. mckel says i'm too nice and too patient, and i let ppl get away with things, but then again she turns around and says that sometimes the way i say things isn't that great. what am i supposed to do? stop being myself? i don't even know who i am anymore. everyone has puled me so far out of wack that i don't know what to do, where to go, or who i am. i'm so glad there is a break coming up. i need to do some serious self reflecting. ugh. finals. yuck.

Kidnapped | Radio Script

AMBIENCE: PIPES DRIPPING AND SCURRYING OF RODENTS.
Bruce: We dropped the ransom note like planned, we got the girl like planned, everything is going according to plan.
Kyle: I know, I know. But just because everything is working out the way we planned doesn’t mean that things can’t go wrong later.
Bruce: Don’t worry Kyle, I’m handling everything. You’ve been nervous about this from the beginning. Don’t worry, no one is gonna get hurt, and we’re not gonna get busted. Chill man.
Kyle: I’m holding you to that Bruce, nobody better get hurt.
Bruce: We talked about this; we’ve got everything under control. Why don’t you go check on the girl?
Kyle: Alright.
SOUND EFFECT: FOOTSTEPS ON CREAKY WOODEN FLOOR MUFFLED BY DUST. UNLOCKING OF A DOOR, DOOR CREAKING OPEN.
Kyle: Cordelia?
Cordelia: What do you want?
Kyle: Nothing, I’m just checking to see if you’re ok.
Cordelia: If I’m ok? If I’m ok? Why the hell would you care if I’m ok or not? You grabbed me outside of my dorm, shoved me into a van where you tied me up and gagged me, dragged me into this abandoned warehouse, and then locked me into this dingy, dirty room with no windows, a musty bed, and rat droppings everywhere. You kidnapped me, and now you are asking me if I’m ok? Are you kidding me? Of course I’m not ok! I don’t know who you are, what you are planning to do with me. Do you really think I’d be ok at all?
Kyle: I’m sorry, I know this isn’t easy for you, and I know you are scared. I’m just trying to ease your mind a little. You aren’t here alone. All we want from you is the money your father is going to pay when we ransom you. We aren’t going to hurt you unless you force us to. If you cooperate with me, things will go a lot smoother-for everyone involved.
Cordelia: So you expect me to be a good girl and do what you want? You honestly don’t think that I might have a problem with that? I don’t want to be here. I don’t even know where here is. I just want to go home.
Kyle: Well if you try to go home then there is gonna be a huge problem. Don’t mistake my kindness and sympathy as a weakness. Feel lucky I’m being nice cause my buddy Bruce, he isn’t nice-at all. So a word of advice, don’t piss him off. This is gonna be hard enough on you, don’t you want a friend?
Cordelia: You want to be my friend? Is that even remotely possible?
Kyle: I know we can’t be friends, but I don’t want this to be any harder on you than necessary. Cordelia: So you are trying to be nice to me? That’s a little hard to believe under the circumstances.
Kyle: Believe what you want, it’s up to you. That’s the only thing that is up to you. Everything else is up to Bruce and me.
SOUND EFFECTS: DOOR SLAMMING, BEING LOCKED, FOOTSTEPS FADING AWAY AND GIRLS MUFFLED SOBS.
Bruce: How’s she doin?
Kyle: She is scared out of her mind, and she’s trying not to let it show.
Bruce: She give you attitude?
Kyle: A little bit, but nothing to worry about.
Bruce: Why don’t you let me decide what we should or shouldn’t worry about. She has to be afraid of you or else she’s gonna do something stupid that’s gonna get her hurt. You wouldn’t want that to happen now would you?
Kyle: Look, Bruce man, its all good. She’s afraid, trust me, she is terrified. She isn’t gonna do anything stupid.
Bruce: You better be right about that or else it’s your butt on the line.
Kyle: I know, so when do we contact Cordelia’s parents? Hasn’t it been long enough? We kept her locked up in that room for a couple of hours before ya had me go check on her.
Bruce: I was just waiting for you before I made the call.
SOUND EFFECTS: CELL PHONE FLIPPING OPEN, NUMBER BEING DIALED.
Father: (ON PHONE) Hello? Hello? Cordy?!
Bruce: (ON PHONE WITH A VOICE DISGUISER) Is this Mr. Anderson, Cordelia’s Father?
Father: Yes, yes it is, just please, tell me what you want.
Bruce: I assume you got my note?
Father: Yes, I did, and I’ve done exactly what you told me to do. I haven’t called the cops, just please, is Cordy ok? Can, Can I talk to her?
Bruce: Good. You better not involve the cops or else you will never see your daughter again. Now, are you listening closely?
Father: Yes, yes I am, tell me what you want from me.
Bruce: I’ve done some research on you Mr. Samuel Anderson. You are quite the businessman. As of right now you have over 80,000 dollars in your bank account. It won’t be difficult for you to get 100,000 dollars cash.
Father: Ok, I can do that. Anything for Cordy.
Bruce: Good. You will get the cash by 9:00 p.m. tomorrow night. At 11:00 p.m. you will deposit an unmarked black gym bag into a cardboard box that will be sitting by a park bench in the city park. You will then drive back home and stay there until you receive my call saying that I have gotten the money.
Father: Wait, how do I know that once you get the money you aren’t going to just kill Cordy? What guarantee do I have that I am ever going to see my daughter ever again?
Bruce: Mr. Anderson, you aren’t in a position to be making any sorts of demands. Your daughter’s life is in my hands. Are you really going to take that chance? I give you my word that she won’t be harmed as long as you do exactly as I say.
Father: Just don’t hurt her! I’ll do whatever you say, just don’t hurt my Cordy.
Bruce: Then be ready with the cash Mr. Anderson, your daughter’s life is depending on you.
SOUND EFFECTS: PHONE BEING CUT OFF-TURNED OFF.
Kyle: Dude, Bruce. . .
Bruce: What? You got a problem man?
Kyle: No, no problem.
Bruce: That’s what I thought.
Kyle: I’m gonna go check on Cordelia and let her know that her father is going to pay the ransom so she will be home soon.
SOUND EFFECTS: BRUCE MUTTERING SOMETHING UNDER HIS BREATH, FOOTSTEPS, DOOR OPENING.
Cordelia: Hello?
Kyle: It’s me Cordelia. Bruce just got off the phone with your dad.
Cordelia: Is there any way that I can talk to my dad? How is he-
Kyle: He agreed to pay the ransom, so you will be able to go home as soon as we get the money.
Cordelia: When will I be able to go home?
Kyle: Soon. That’s all you need to know.
Cordelia: But you are going to let me go home when you get the money right?
Kyle: Of course we will Cordy.
Cordelia: Don’t use that name. Only my family and friends can use that name.
Kyle: Sorry, I thought that it would make you feel more comfortable.
Cordelia: How did you get into this? You don’t seem like the type of person who kidnaps another human being.
Kyle: It’s none of your business.
Cordelia: Look, I have nothing else to do; I’ve been alone in this room forever. The only thing that I have to do is listen to the rats run around here and hope that they don’t get anywhere close to me. Please, tell me. I could use the distraction. Please Kyle?
Kyle: Alright. But if you tell Bruce that I told you any of this, you seriously will get hurt.
Cordelia: I promise, I won’t tell him.
Kyle: Well, my younger brother got into some trouble and he got put in jail. My family doesn’t have enough money to bail him out. Bruce is my brother’s friend, he said that he would get a lawyer and take care of my brother if I helped him with this. This is the only way that I can afford to get my brother out of jail for something he didn’t do. Bruce has his own motives for wanting the money, and I really don’t want to know what they are.
Cordelia: How do you know that Bruce isn’t going to stab you in the back when all of this is over? Can you really trust him?
Kyle: I don’t trust him at all, but he is the only chance I have of getting my brother out of jail. I’m going to do whatever it takes to get him out.
Cordelia: How do you know he is innocent?
Kyle: I know my brother. I know that he would never do what they are accusing him of.
Bruce: Hey Kyle, what ya doin back there?
Kyle: Crap, I gotta go. I’ll try and check on ya in a little while.
Cordelia: Thanks Kyle.
Kyle: Yeah. Hey listen, I really am sorry about all of this. If there is anything that I can do for you, let me know. I wish that I didn’t have to do this, and that you didn’t have to be here, but I gotta do what I gotta do.
SOUND EFFECTS: DOOR CLOSES AND IS LOCKED. QUICK FOOTSTEPS FADE AWAY.
Bruce: What’s your prob man?
Kyle: Nothin.
Bruce: It doesn’t take that long to check on a chick. What took you so long?
Kyle: She needed a little reassurance that her dad was going to take care of things. She’s better now.
Bruce: I think you are a little too worried about what she is feeling. Don’t be such a bleeding heart. She is the key to your brother’s freedom, don’t forget that.
Kyle: I haven’t forgotten- there is no way I could forget. Hey, Bruce. . . I’ve been meaning to ask you. . . How did my brother get framed for beating up that woman and stealing her car? He would never do that.
Bruce: Don’t worry about it.
Kyle: I’m gonna worry about it, he’s my brother man.
Bruce: Just drop it alright.
Kyle: What are you not telling me Bruce?
Bruce: I said to drop it. So. Drop. It.
Kyle: Ya know what? Assaulting someone and stealing a car sounds like something you would do. Especially since you’ve done it before. I’m starting to think that it was you that did it and set my brother up.
Bruce: Oh please, why would I frame your brother?
Kyle: I don’t know, why you don’t you tell me. Why would you frame my brother?
Bruce: This is ridiculous, just focus on the job. Do what you need to do.
Kyle: Whatever man, I’m going to go check on Cordy.
Bruce: Oh, so it’s Cordy now huh? Not just the girl or Cordelia, you are calling her Cordy. The same name her dad used? Don’t you think you are getting a little too personal here?
Kyle: Don’t worry about me.
Bruce: I am worried. Why don’t you let me talk to her for a minute?
Kyle: I don’t think that’s such a good idea. I think she’s scared enough.
Bruce: Maybe. We’ll see.
SOUND EFFECTS: LOUD FOOTSTEPS, DOOR OPENING QUICKLY, WOMANS GASP.
Cordelia: Kyle?
Bruce: No babe, it’s the big boy Bruce.
Cordelia: Oh. . Where’s Kyle?
Bruce: He’s out for a little while. So it’s going to be just you and me. We can have some alone time, just for the two of us.
Cordelia: Alone?
Bruce: Yep. Just the two of us. I can think of a few things we can do to pass the time too.
Cordelia: When is Kyle coming back?
Bruce: Not for a long, long time. We have plenty of time, don’t you fret.
Cordelia: (YELLING) Kyle?!
Bruce: I said he was gone you slut.
Cordelia: (YELLING) Kyle?!
Kyle: Cordy? Are you ok in there?
SOUND EFFECTS: RUNNING FEET
Bruce: Stay out of this Kyle.
Kyle: What are you doin to her man? Look at her, she’s shaking and she’s white as a ghost! Bruce, I’m warning you, leave her alone. You’re on thin ice as it is.
Bruce: I’m on thin ice? I’m on thin ice? Don’t forget that I’m the one who is going to take care of your brother. You owe me.
Kyle: I’m starting to think that he wouldn’t be in jail if it wasn’t for you. I bet if I point the cops in the right place, they’ll be able to pin it on you. Don’t push me man.
Bruce: You wanna turn me in to the cops? Look where you are, you just kidnapped an eighteen year old college student, and you want to turn me into the cops? I got dirt on you, if I go down then so do you. Then where will your brother be?
Cordelia: Look, Kyle, I understand why you did what you did, if you let me go then I’ll be on your side, and you won’t get in trouble. I’ll help your brother. Just don’t let Bruce do what he wants to do.
Bruce: Shut up you little slut. Don’t listen to her Kyle; I’m your only chance to getting your brother out.
Cordelia: This is not the way Kyle, you are better than this.

heros

a hero can mean so many different things to so many different people. i don't know why some people look up to the people that they do, i think that hero is a term that is used to broadly, but everyone has a right to their own opinions. . . . some people just shouldn't voice theirs sometimes! haha
A hero has many different meanings to a lot of people. The term hero is sometimes only thought of as dealing with the supernatural such as superman, Spiderman, and so on. Others may contribute the title to a person who does a miraculous act whether it’s for selfish or selfless reasons. I personally think that for a person to deserve the term hero they need to have redeeming qualities and to do something that truly betters the lives of others, regardless of if their motives are selfish or not.
Social workers sometimes get a bad reputation as just people who shuffle kids through “the system”. I am sure that this does happen often, that doesn’t mean that every social worker is like that. I have two adopted little brothers, and we have had a lot of foster children stay with us for a little while, so I have some experience with social workers. Some of them truly care about the children they are protecting. Social workers have to see a lot in their line of work, not many people are able to deal with it all without becoming desensitized. There are the social workers who follow through with each child and who try to make sure that where they place the child is the best that it can be. A person who can go through all of that, see the horrors of what some children have to go through, and still be a compassionate person is a hero to me.
A person who goes through a great trial and pain, but doesn’t let it keep them down is pretty amazing. Some people let those experiences alter their personality for the worse, and they use it as an excuse about why they are doing these bad things. The amazing person will learn, and grow from it, and move on. They will use it as a reason to be better. When someone can go through anything traumatic and move on and be a better person there is something unique and spectacular about that person.
The soldiers who are out on the battle field, risking their lives for us deserve our respect and admiration. The soldiers may all have very diverse reasons as to why they are there serving their country, but nevertheless, they are there. They could be there for the glory, for their families, or because it’s a family tradition. No matter what brought them there, they are still risking their lives so that Unites States citizens can have freedom. That is pretty heroic.
There are countless stories that are told about everyday, normal people doing heroic and miraculous things. Everyone has that potential inside of them; they just need to realize it. Hope is a grand thing that gives us a reason to go on life. Heroes' bring that hope into our lives by telling us that there are people out there who do care and who will be there to help us up when we fall.
Heroes inspire and motivate people to do better than they already are. Heroes (whatever their own motives) are individuals that people look up to as a standard of what they should all be striving for. Everyone needs someone as an example of what they should be. Idols and heroes are sometimes mixed up to be the same thing. A hero changes the life or lives of someone(s) in a significant way. Every single person has the potential to be a hero.

my mom

i was missing my mom the other day so i decided to write a poem about her. i finally got online and so now i'm just gonna post what i've been writing.

The one who is always there for me.
The one who holds me when I cry.
The one who tells me everything will be ok.
The one who can always make me laugh.
The one who makes me feel safe and loved.
The one who listens to everything I have to say.
The one who never judges me, or my opinions.
The one who has been there for me through out it all.
The one who that teaches me right from wrong.
The one who has taught me everything I know.
The one that shows me the way.
The one who picks me up when I fall.
The one who never stops believing in me,
Especially when I don’t believe in myself.
The one who loves me when I don’t love myself.
The one who loves me even when I’m being stupid.
The one who always forgives me.
The one who helps me become better and better every day
The one who has been my best friend my whole life.
The one who I look up to and admire.
The one who would give up anything for me.
The one who will never hurt me. The one who accepts me as I am.
The one that knows me better than I know myself.
The one who loves me the whole world over, and who I love more.
The one and only who has my whole heart.
The one and only that I call MOM.

ying and yang

i heard a couple of kids sitting on some grass arguing about ying and yang, the prescence of evil vs. presence of good and it got me thinking. i wanted to write about it, but i really didn't know how to, so i decided to attack it in report form. it worked, i was able to categorize my ideas a lot better.
Ying and Yang is the presence of good and evil, and this concept is true in all aspects of life. Even in nature the presence of ying and yang is present. If you look into anything you can find something good or bad about it. The optimistic person can find good in any thing they focus on. Same is true for the pessimistic person, they can find something negative in anything. All around me in my life the presence of ying and yang is very apparent.
Ying and yang makes my life a lot easier to comprehend. When I understand that there is something good in everything, then it makes life a lot brighter and hopeful. Even in a bad situation there is something good that may come of it. All we have to do is look for the good in life. In school, there are some days when nothing is really going right, or there are a lot of tests that I don’t want to have to take. I could just look at that and think about how horrible a day it is or I can realize that what I am learning is preparing me for the future, and the tests will help my processing skills and test my ability to retain information.
There are days at work when my parents are completely ornery and I really just don’t want to be there to have to deal with all of the problems. When I think about how it is helping me have patience and that it is teaching me that no job is perfect, but that I just have to stick it out, that it will get better is really going to benefit me when I get a new job. We can always learn from every experience. It just depends on us if what we learn is good or bad. A bad day at work could teach me that it is justified to want to quit so I might as well, or it can teach me the pride in sticking it out and doing the best I can even though I’m not being appreciated.
Ying and yang is in us as well. I think that I am a good person who doesn’t do anything seriously bad. There is that evil presence in me called depression that makes it hard to always do the best I can. That evil part of me could easily take over if I let it, but the good part of me will never let that happen. There will always be a battle waging between good and evil, it is only when they work somewhat together that our lives move smoothly.
Cloudy and gray days are somewhat depressing, and most people would rather we didn’t have cold and windy days. With out those cold and windy days then we wouldn’t appreciate the bright and sunshiny days. Same goes for good and evil; we don’t fully appreciate the good with out knowing of evil. We are more grateful for what we have when we have had to do with out.
Being sick is terrible and no one ever likes being sick, but if we were never sick then how would we know what being healthy really feels like? I always appreciate being healthy more after I have just been sick. It is the same with everything else. The bad in the good makes us appreciate the good all the more. I am grateful for the presence of ying and yang in my life. With out ying and yang our lives would be very different from the lives that we know today.
How often do we stop to think about being grateful for something as simple as a bright, cloudless day; the simplicity of a childs' game, or the simple pleasure of a cold drink on a hot day? Ying and yang make life a lot more enjoyable. Understanding allows acceptance, the acceptance of the concept ying and yang goes a long ways to making a happy life.

hello dolly

“Hello, Dolly!” Great Grandpa Jay would call out to me when I would run to give him a hug. I know he called all of his granddaughters Dolly, but he said it in a way that made me feel like it was just for me. He always made me feel like I was someone special, his personal favorite. When I was younger, he would always listen to my stories, play games with me, read to me, and make me feel like I was number one. When I grew up into a young woman, he was the first to treat me like an adult. He still called me Dolly, but I loved the name.
Grandpa Jay was well known around town, he was always helping others and doing whatever he could when he saw a need. He was also known for his big goofy ears. Not only were they big, but he could wiggle them up and down, and if he really concentrated he could make the tips of his ears wiggle so it looked like they were waving at you. All of the grandkids tried to wiggle our ears; we wanted to be exactly like Grandpa Jay. I was so proud of myself when I was able to do it; not many of us were. When we would get together he would wiggle his ears at us and I would be able to wiggle mine right back at him. My ear wiggling wasn’t as impressive as his, but then again my ears aren’t anywhere near as big as his!
He was the type of guy who was larger than life, constantly happy and in a good mood. He would have some joke to tell us or some funny story to share and was always on the look out for funny little toys. So caring and interested in what was going on in my life, Grandpa Jay always made me feel loved. Visiting with Grandpa could cheer up anyone. Everyone really loved my Grandpa.
Saying good bye is a part of life, and saying goodbye to Grandpa Jay was one of the hardest parts of mine. He was ninety-three when he passed away. Being so old I should have been expecting it, but he was such a vibrant, exuberant man that he never seemed old. It was his time to go, which made saying goodbye a little easier.
One of my biggest hero’s is Grandpa Jay. He was always so kind, inventive, helpful, and funny. Even near death he was trying to make us happy. He was such a great example to me, I have always looked up and admired him. His outlook on life was always hopeful and sunny. Being around him I couldn’t help but feel the same way.
Life with out Grandpa Jay isn’t quite as bright. I miss hearing him calling me “Hello Dolly”. The little things that he would do are what make me miss him so much. We would always have Christmas breakfast and read the comics together. When I was little he would read to me, and as he grew older I would read to him. The first Christmas we had with out him was really hard. Looking back at our memories, I feel like he is with me again. Whenever I miss him I think back to all of the times we spent together. If I try hard enough, I can almost hear his voice saying “Hello Dolly”.

blank dialogue

Two roommates Lindsay and McKel are trying to get along together. Lindsay is 5’8”, slender, medium length brown hair, and slightly shy. Lindsay comes from a big family so she is used to doing everything with someone. McKel is 5’6” with short dirty blonde hair, very outgoing, and she is chubby. Being an only child McKel is used to doing things alone and doing them her own way. Their differences make these two roommates good friends, but it also makes them clash at times. After being out alone all night, McKel comes back to their apartment. Lindsay is in her room that is decorated in blue and brown accents. McKel goes into Lindsay’s room to talk and let Linz know she is home safe. Lindsay isn’t too happy with McKel for being out alone so long.

“Where have you been?” Lindsay asks McKel while checking to see what time it is.

“Out.” Is all the response that McKel can gather enough energy for.

“Out?” Lindsay asks McKel.

“That’s right.” McKel says while fixing her hair.

“I thought we talked about this kind of thing. . .” Linz slowly responds.”

“We have.”

“And?”

“I don’t know what you’re getting at.” McKel says confusedly.

“I’m just trying to figure out what happened.”

McKel paused for a moment, then said, “Go ahead”.

“That doesn’t help. You said you would help at least—“

“Sure.”

“Ok, that’s what I’m talking about!” Lindsay exclaims.

McKel quickly evaded with her reply, “What’s what you’re talking about?” looking anywhere but at Lindsay.

“That I just can’t deal with this kind of—“

McKel is feeling very uncomfortable at this point and just wants to stop talking about it. So she tries to end the conversation by saying, “Forget it”.

In a tone of exasperation and disbelief Lindsay curtly asks “What?”

In a tone of complete monotone McKel replies “Forget it.”

“Nothing. I’m leaving.” Lindsay turns to walk away when McKel tries to reach out to give Lindsay a comforting hug. “Don’t.” Lindsay warns McKel.

“Well. . .” McKel wraps her arms around herself, “Just don’t leave.”

With a look of determination Lindsay replies “No.”

“No?” McKel looks forlornly as Lindsay walks out of the apartment.

Watching Lindsay walk out of the apartment McKel realizes that the way she has been acting isn’t acceptable and it isn’t fair to her roommate. She wipes the silent tears that had begun to fall down her face, and slowly trudges into her room. She doesn’t know what to do or how to fix her relationship with her good friend. Instead of going after Lindsay or trying to fix the problem she decides to go out alone to a party instead.

Descriptive Barn-person in love

It is so safe and warm inside this great big barn. The walls are such a soft shade of brown, the smells are so familiar; a thousand memories come rushing back as I breathe them in. The soft whinnying of the horses reminds me of bright summer days out riding in the brilliant sunshine. Everything is always so bright and beautiful when you are on the back of a horse. Even though I long for winter to be over so that I can ride in the sun again, I am perfectly content with my life right now.
I lean a pitchfork that has fallen over back into its rightful place, while noticing how everything is so organized in the barn. Everything has its own place, its own purpose, and now I have found mine. I have meaning, I have a purpose, I have a new found joy in my life. A horse whinnies impatiently so I must stop day dreaming and feed them their grain and hay. Some of our horses can be quite impatient around this time of day. I call out to my the horses, “You silly creatures, I’m coming with your food, hold your horses!” I can’t help but laugh aloud at my own corny joke. That popular phrase is always being used, but I’m almost positive no one has had the impulse to tell it to a horse before.
I give a yelp of surprise when my favorite dog Turak gives me a nudge. “Don’t you know,” I playfully demand of him. “You’re not supposed to sneak up on people?” He is such a big German Shepherd, you’d think I’d hear and see him when he approaches me, but he can be very sneaky when he wants to be. His only response is a booming bark as he jumps up to try and give me a lick on the face. I laugh as I push him away so that I can finish my chores.
There is almost nothing better than lying next to Turak in soft clean hay listening to the sounds of the animals inside and out of the barn on a lazy Sunday afternoon. A few beams of bright sunlight streak through the cracks in the wood walls. They play tag with the rafters in the ceiling, constantly flickering and shimmering as big puffy clouds roll across the sky. Dust particles dance in the sunbeams, giving the barn an almost magical look. It almost seems as if this is where wishes come true. When you are absolutely happy, it would appear as if anything is possible. Looking around at the rows of stalls, tools, and farm equipment; I feel a sense of peace that I haven’t felt in a long time.
There are so many memories in this musty barn, I can look ahead at what my life might be like in the future, and I can see myself making many more wonderful memories in here. I know every nook and cranny of this place. Most people don’t know, but my older sisters and I carved our initials into the back wall. I can almost see it from where I’m sitting in the hay. The chip in the door of the third stall is from when my older brothers were teasing each other and things got a little. . . carried away. Our mother never did find out where the missing hammer went. None of us were about to tell her that it broke when Jason threw it at Austin. Luckily he missed Austin and hit the door instead, or else we would have all been grounded for life! In the very back right hand corner there is a patch of dirt that is slightly higher than the surrounding ground. After making a blood oath to be not only sisters, but best friends forever, my sisters and I buried a box full of our “treasures” and mementos.
We all grew up playing around in here, making memories, creating bonds; nothing can take away what we created in here. The barn has always been the one place in my life where nothing has changed. The tackle is still hanging on the left wall, where it has been for years and years. The pitchforks, shovels, and other tools are still next to the doors; right where they have been for as long as I can remember. My world is spinning in a crazy beautiful way and I love it, but it’s nice to have something constant in my life as well. The memories and the barn keep me grounded even when I’m flying as high as I can fly.

Dear Dad:

Dear Dad:

i've never really felt accepted or loved by you. i know that you always wanted a son and that you were disapointed the day you got a daughter instead of a son. i just hope that one day you can be proud of me, proud of your baby girl. that day is far away i now, but i hope that when that day comes you will be glad you have a daughter. we've never really truly gotten along. the only times we do have fun is when i compromise and do what you want to do. i'm trying to be the best daugther possible, but its hard when you never really see ME. yes you look at me, but do you ever SEE me? whenever you needed soemone to go to work, i would alwyas be there for you instead of hanging out with my friends. you never said thank you. whenever you wanted to get out and go with mom somewhere or when you were just sick of the boys, i was the one who took them off your hands so you could have alone time. did you even notice how much i did that for you? i can count on one hand how many times you have actually told me you loved me. you have never once said you were proud of me. i'm sorry i haven't ever done anything for you to be proud of, i'm trying. i hope that one day you will be able to tell me what you think and feel. i want to have a connection to you, but its so hard. you have never been there for me, and i hope that someday you will want to be there. i love you dad and i hope that one day you can feel comfortable in telling me that too.

sincerely, amber

Uneven Sidewalk

I was a little stressed out one night so i took a walk by myself. it was very refreshing to be outside and to be by myself. I'm not used to living around people, or by suburbia, so its a little weird to me. usually when i go on walks then its on a dirt road in the middle of a field; this is a nice change.
As i was walking i tripped-which is very typical of me. i looked down to see what i had tripped over and it was the sidewalk. it was so dark i hadn't seen that it was extremely uneven. I couldn't really see anything or see if it was safe to walk. all i could see was where i wanted to go and the basic path i had to follow. i couldn't see the obstacles in my way or if i was going to be on safe ground or have sure footing or not. this got me thinking about life. all we can really see is where we want to end up and the basic things we need to do to get there. we can't see what is going to be in our way or if we are going to trip over something.
it didn't matter that i couldn't see if i was going to fall or not, i kept walking. in life it doesn't matter if i'm going to fail or not, i keep trying. thats all i can do is to keep trying. luckily in life we have friends and family who will be there to catch us when we fall and to help us see the path. sometimes my parents have a "flashlight" where they can beam a light on a section of the sidewalk/my life and let me know what i should do to cross safely. my friends also have flashlights and they help me a lot too. i just hope that i can help them when they need it too. for some reason our flashlights usually only work for other people. why is that? i can see what others should do a lot clearer than i can see what i should do. all i can do is try and hope for the best.
just keep going and never give up. it doesn't matter how many times i fall or fail, as long as i keep striving after my goals.

Do You Know?

We all have people that we look up to and admire. Do you really know the person you want to become more like? We may think we know someone by the way he acts at work and in the comunity, but some people can put on masks. It can be hard to know if you really know a person or not.

A man named Ben Sanderson is a very admired and respected member of his community. He is a prosperous business owner, and a prominent member in his religion. He has lived in the same town his whole life, he has deep roots there. He has raised a large family, has been faithful in his beliefs, and has never caused a scandal. He is a hard worker, determined, and a great father. This is how the members of his community see him. The have always been very impressed with him. There have often been comments about how good the Sanderson family is, how hardworking the Sandersons are.

Ben is a very hardworking individual and is very concerned about his business. He goes to church almost every sunday and has held important positions. He gives knowledgeable talks in sacrament. This makes him seem like he is very sure about his faith and never has any doubts. He is very kind to everyone he is affliated with at church or in business, he always tries to leave the best impression possible.

At home it is a different matter entirely. When it is just him and his family he becomes a person no one would admire or respect. He is very demanding about having the house in pristine condition by the time he gets home from work. As soon as you make a mess you have to clean it up IMMEDIATELY. His children aren't allowed to make noise, especially while he is watching television. He expects the best out of his family, and when they mess up he can be quite harsh. He has only criticism and deragative remarks for his family. He has told one of his daughters, "Your best isn't good enough." That is his whole attitude he has with his family.

He can be physically abusive, and worse, he is emotionally abusive. He has a short fuse and a long temper. He never tells his family he loves them. He only hugs them when prompted by his wife. The tone of voice he has when he talks his family shows them how low they are in his opinion. It is a tone of disdain, harsh, and how incompetent he thinks they are.

He hides who he really is from everyone, because he knows that no one would respect him if they knew how he treated his family. He keeps everything very "hush-hush". He isn't a very gregarious or social person so the family doesn't go to a lot of community or religious functions. There are only a few people who know that the family is struggling, they all keep a mask on out of fear of their father.

This man who everyone respects and admires, if you really knew him you would refer him to counseling. We look at people and wonder what it would be like to have their great life. Wanting to switch places with someone is not a good thing, especially when you don't know what you are switching into. Do you really know the person you look up to and admire?

Early Mornings

I have an 8:00 a.m. class every morning except on fridays. My roommate and best friend from home has a 10:00 as her earliest class. Sometimes she will wake up and try and talk to me, but she isn't really awake so it almost never makes sense. Usually what she tries to tell me is about something that happened in her dream. I can't always understand what she says, but some of the things i was able to decipher from her muttering was really funny.

"Are there beans on the floor?" McKel asked in a very confused voice. "Uhm. . . no. . ." I reply after quickly scanning the floor to check. "Oh good!" McKel says and rolls onto her other side and falls quickly back to sleep.

McKel turns to me and with a very scared look on her face she tells me, "Amber! My fake hair is sucking the intelligence out of my brain!" She fell asleep so quickly after that one i wasn't even able to reply to her. Later i found out that she had been looking at her myspace friends before going to bed. One of them had extensions put in her hair and it apparently looked horrible. McKel had been dreaming that she had extensions in her hair as well, and apparently the hair was sucking her brain out. Random!

McKel and Steph had been over at a friends house watching a Talladega Nights. After the movie was over Steph tried to wake her up so they could come back to our apt. "We're getting pulled over!" is what McKel says to Steph as she slowly wakes up.

Most of the time i can't understand what she is trying to say so I'll just tell her to roll over and go back to bed. Usually she'll reply with a childlike "Okay" before totally zonking out again.

Orange Barrel

The long and boring drive from Cedar to Richfield and back again is one that i've had to make a lot this month. On my way to Cedar i was driving along, bored because the road is so plain, when i got to a construction area. I passed a semi so i wouldn't have to be behind him during the one lane construction zone. Cruising along at a speed higher than the law allows, i had to suddenly slow down. There was a bug orange barrel in the middle of the lane! I had to go outside almost onto the gravel so i wouldn't miss it. Since I had been going so fast before i saw it, I didn't have time to stop to move it. I felt bad, I wasn't sure if the semi would be able to fit on the road.
The orange barrel was so out of place, i figured someone must of put it there. It was standing straight up, so i knew it didn't get knocked over or something like that. There was a place for it in the line of orange barrells; I could see where it was supposed to go.


A group of teenage boys are bored and on their way to go bunny bashing. While on the highway, there isn't anyone around, so they think it'd be funny to leave a surprise for someone in the middle of the road. They don't think that anyone will get hurt since there isn't a lot of traffic compared to the freeway, and its not right after a bend so people will be able to see it and slow down. They are young, immature, carefree teenagers so they don't really care anyways. They don't think about all of the possibilities, they are only thinking about the thrill they have in doing something new and bad.
After moving the construction barrel in the road they drive away laughing and thinking about different peoples reactions. They all agree that they are very clever and pride themselves on how smart they are. One boy remarks, "I bet no one else has thought to do that! Wait til our friends at school hear about this!" They have fun bunny bashing, and then drive home late at night.

mouth coverer

Walking to institute one day with my roommate Stephanie there was a guy walking towards us talking on the phone. The world is very technology oriented, so i see this A LOT. This guy looked normal and he was walking normal. The entire time he was talking on his cellphone he had his hand covering his mouth. He wasn't walking with anyone and there really wasn't anyone around, so i assume the reason he was covering his mouth wasn't because he didnt want to be overheard. i'm big on teeth, and i love clean white teeth so i thought that maybe he didn't brush his teeth that morning, and he was embarrassed by his gross teeth. he could have an imbalance of vitamins, and his teeth might be permanently yellow so whenever he talks he covers his mouth with his hand. he could be a germaphobe and is very afraid of something coming into his mouth; to prevent this from happening he always covers his mouth no matter what.

Since I love clean teeth, and its usually always the first thing i notice about other people i'm going to assume that he didn't brush his teeth that morning, and is embarrassed by his horrible hygiene. i'm going to call him Brian for my little story :)

Feeling flustered after he had woken up late that morning he was hurrying to get ready on time. Brian had the option to either eat breakfast, or brush his teeth, but he didn't have time to do both if he was going to make it on time to take a test for his biology lab. His teacher is a stickler about arriving on time; if you are late then you can't take the test. Brian was stressing about the test anyways, so he was mad at himself for waking up late. He is a normal guy who thinks mostly about food and girls, so of course he chose to eat breakfast instead.
After eating his bowl of cheerios he rushed off to class. While he was working with his lab partner after the test was finished, he remembered he hadn't brushed his teeth. Brian only remembered this after his partner told him his breathe smelled horrible. He couldn't go home until after three, so he had to go the whole day with stinky breath. He was very self conscious about it, and decided to cover his mouth so that no one would know.
After three people mentioned his horrible breath Brian was feeling pretty bad about life. Especially since one of them was a pretty girl he had been flirting with and trying to work up enough courage to ask her out. After today he figured he had no chance with her. He was on the phone with her when he walked out of institute, unconsciously covering his mouth even though he was talking on the phone and not to her. He decided that no matter how late he would be, he wasn't ever going to leave his apartment with out brushing his teeth ever again.

Jack in the Box? Story

Earlier in the day i had been out with my friends having a great day and just having fun. It was a rare saturday that i wasn't too busy with family stuff or cleaning to spend time with my friends and i was loving it! I came home in a great mood, and on time. I had something important to tell my dad (although looking back now i have no idea what i needed to tell him). He was watching a movie like usual, and he couldn't pause it for one minute so i could tell him something. I'm used to this so it wasn't a big deal, i decided to just go talk to my mom about it until i noticed what he was watching. He was watching one of my movies, with out asking. He goes on and on about respecting other peoples privacy and not getting into their stuff with out asking. He has no idea where i keep my movies in my room, so that means that he had to have looked in a lot of different places while he was looking for them. I keep my movies in the back of a shelf in my closet, they aren't that easy to see because i have clothes in front of them. I don't know how many drawers or things that he went through to find Gladiator.
He had lectured me just yesterday about respecting my little brothers privacy and not going in their rooms when they weren't there. The only reason i was in Rubens room was because i had to check if he had cleaned it or not. He snooped through my things to find a movie. if he would have called i could have told him where they were so he wouldn't have had to go through my things, but he didn't. Him being a hypocrite and snooping through my things upset me.
I took MY movie back, and went into my room which is basically next door to the living room. He stormed into my room after me yelling at me about how rude and unfair i was being. he said i had no reason to take the movie back and i was just being a selfish brat. i could tell that his temper was quickly rising by the look he got in his eye. so i grabbed my little yorkshire dog, purse, and walked out of the house.
i drove around for a few minutes having no clue as to where i wanted to go. i finally ended up at my old elementary play ground. Jingle (my dog) and i went and sat on the playground. I cried and thought of all the other awful things he had said. After i had calmed down then i got back in my car and drove home.
It was pretty late when i got home, and the light in my room was on. I knew it was either my mom, or both of my parents. i was very wary when i walked into the house. when i walked into my room i was astounded. my mom was alone in there, cleaning. after i had left my dad had thrown a fit and had thrown everything in my room and broken almost all of it. there was broken glass, broken bits of ceramics, some of my technology was busted, and a drawer that goes to my antique vanity was broken. i was so glad i had left home and he had taken his anger out on my possesions instead of me.
i had come home because my mom wanted me to, not because i had to. then i had to come home to this. my mom looked at me a little guiltily and sayed she wanted to have more of it cleaned up before i got home. i started cleaning up too, and by this time its almost midnight. my dad came down to my room acting self-righteous. he wanted to talk and discuss about what had happened. after seeing what he had done to my room i did not want to talk to him.
i knew that he would just get angry again if i didn't talk to him, so i just sat there trying not to cry in front of him while he lectured me. he felt better after telling me all of the things i am doing wrong, and all of the things i need to do better, so he went to bed. i still had to clean my room and vacume the carpet very very good so that i could be in my room with out being worried of cutting myself.




whenever i have fun plans or am having a good day, someone in my family ruins it for me. mostly its my dad. why is that?

Venture #2 Amber Spencer

Sitting in the peaceful canyon was very calming to all of the chatter constantly going on in my head. As i look up at the beautiful imperfect cliff i realize just how insignificant my problems in life are. I think back to all that I have been stressing about, all of my worries, doubts, and family problems and realize that it doesn't really matter as much as i thought it did. They are all important and i will need to deal with them, but i don't need to stress about them. My life is really quite small compared to the far reaching cliff. That cliff has been there for who knows how long, and it has cracks and markings. I've only been here for eighteen years, who am i to really be striving for such perfection in my life? The cliff looks as if it has fallen on its side, and is resting on its the hill of dirt to its side. Who do i rest against? Who do i let hold me up when I can't hold myself up?

Little Mormlets Amber Spencer

In institute today Brother Christensen called us all "Little Mormlets". Out of all of the mormon jokes i've heard this is the first time i've heard this one. Taking that out of institute, some passerby would take that as an insult, thinking that he had just called someone a little piglet. Misinterpretation is one of the main reasons that people get in arguements.

Spraypainted Lines I Amber Spencer

The sidewalk that leads from Eccles A to Eccles C goes straight and then it turns at a ninety degree angle to the right or left. To get to the middle door of my apartment you need to turn right. Many people cut through the grass straight to the door instead of following the sidewalk. In the area that we cut through the grass there are two parallel red spray painted lines in the grass. It looks like a pathway was spray painted out telling students that its ok to use this grass patch to walk across.
There have been many comments about how maybe the facility is considering adding cement to this area, but that would only leave a little patch of grass between the new cement and the cement that is already there.
It may also be because when it rains then this area gets slightly muddier than the rest of the grass, due to so many students walking through it.